Would you come-the-eff on already! It’s been almost five weeks since that awful D&C experience, and you were supposed to show up between 4-6 weeks. Frankly, I was hoping for four since Mother Nature really screwed me on the getting-to-be-a-mother part. I’m having all the signs you’ve given me for the past 20 years, and I’ve got a bajillion tampons and/or pads ready for whenever you decided to grace me with your presence. This is the only time since you started interfering with my life that I have ever actually wanted you to hurry up and get here. Waiting for you feels like being stuck in limbo. I don’t want to be stuck in limbo. I’d really love a good dose of hope. But I can’t get that until you do your effing job. SO LET’S GO.