Soundtrack of my miscarriage

When hubs and I got married, the song for our first dance was “Forever Like That” by Ben Rector. It wasn’t too sappy or ballad-y, and it felt like it fit us. While I was pregnant, the song “Spaceship” by Andy Grammer would constantly run through my head. I thought it was kind of perfect for the whole growing-a-human experience.

When the baby died, other songs took precedence in my brain.

“Life Keeps Moving On” — Ben Rector

For a solid two weeks after, I would start crying without fail when the song got to the lyrics: “…and it is beautiful and tragic…” [Because, God, isn’t it though?]

“Sailboat” — Ben Rector

…Oh I’m out in the waves
And I’m hoping and praying
Please let this wind blow me home
And night after night there’s an empty horizon
My God do I feel so alone…
[And, oh, I did. I knew I wasn’t; but it was hard to see which way was up, y’know?]

“The Good Parts” — Andy Grammer

…Show me where it hurts and give me something real
And lead me to the part of you that never really heals
And say the words that burn when they leave your mouth
Tell me your story, but don’t leave the good parts out…
[Because everyone hurts, and this hurt is so gaping, but it seems like no one actually talks about it — and I feel the need to change that]

“I Wish You Well” — Katie Herzig

…I want to wish you well
I didn’t watch you go
‘Cause I suppose I don’t know how
I will remember you
Not the way you left but how you lived
And what you knew…

[Because I didn’t know my baby was gone, but I’ll never forget.]

“Love” — Jana Kramer

…Love, how many times can a heart break
And, love, how much weight can soul take…

Objectively speaking, even if you were to search for and then listen to the songs, you might not get how they line up for me in my loss. But they do. You never know how a song will hit you, right? Music’s good like that.

Anyone have songs that have become significant to them?

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