You’re grieving more than one thing

During my first appointment with the new counselor (which was so much better than the initial counseling session we had with the other practice), she brought up that I was grieving more than one thing. There was the grief of losing the pregnancy, the grief of losing my baby, and the grief of losing everything in the future that we thought would come to be. Possibly even more losses would come up as time went on. Between my tears, I was floored.

The idea of that had never occurred to me. It was almost an epiphany moment (Although, can it be an epiphany if someone else suggests it?); and then she followed up the statement by asking which loss I thought I was grieving most in that moment. In the same appointment she told me that grief isn’t a linear process, even though we may want it to be, and that I may very well go for spells of feeling “fine” only to have sadness come crashing in out of nowhere. And she told me that was okay.

Y’all. Did you know it’s okay to grieve? Whenever? And cope in whatever way works best for you (as long as it isn’t self-destructive)? I mean, there’s what you know, logically. And logically I knew that. Because that seems pretty basic, right? But then there’s how you feel as you’re working to keep moving through your life because (Surprise!) the world isn’t stopping for your loss. To have that sort of validation from the counselor — especially when the OB told me he was sorry for my loss but could write on my chart that I’m “having trouble getting over it” if I wanted him to — was really wonderful.

Sending thanks out into the universe for finding a good fit, and for doctors with genuine empathy.

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