I kind of hate having to rise above

I told a friend about the new pregnancy today. I didn’t mean to, didn’t plan it, but she was asking about my counseling and if it’s helping with anxiety and it just came out. Because now, I’m coping with the loss of Charlie while simultaneously coping with the fear of losing the new baby, so therapy is two-fold now. And she went the so-sure-about-it positivity route, repeatedly, so I had to politely tell her repeatedly that nothing was certain. Then she said she almost wished I’d had more time before getting pregnant again so I didn’t have the stress. Which means I had to point out that no matter when I got pregnant again, I would have been anxious and scared, there was no getting around that.

And then she said that she was glad I had told her but that I probably shouldn’t tell anyone else for awhile; and then reiterated that I had a long time to go before I should tell other people. Which further irritated me. Because as you all (maybe) know, I think people should share the news whenever they want to because it’s their news. Once again, here was another person who I knew didn’t mean any harm. But I still wrapped up our lunch pretty quickly after that because I just couldn’t stay there and continue to circle around and around that conversation again.

It really sucked, for a lot of reasons. But especially because I’ve never felt awkward around her, and this time I did.

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