One piece of joy

Right before the first OBGYN appointment, I told a(nother) friend about the pregnancy. Once again, I didn’t intend to; but this time I was glad I did. She had gone through miscarriage prior to having her children, and understood the fear that comes with a new pregnancy. She told me that she initially spent so much time being terrified, so worried about losing the new baby like she had lost the first.

Which is essentially how I’ve been feeling. She said that for her, it became such a preoccupation that a friend had to sit her down and explicitly tell her to stop. Stop, because you are letting fear from what happened take away from the joy of what could be. It’s easier said than done, of course, but it helped her to reframe and refocus, and I could see exactly how her friend had been right.

And then my friend said to me, I know it’s hard, because you won’t ever stop being scared completely. But try to just find one thing every day. One thing about the pregnancy every day that brings you joy. Just one. And go from there.

And I thought, I can handle that.

Today, it’s that I know there is a heartbeat.

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